Swirling Thoughts (5-28-2009)

I have so much on my mind these days I find it hard to concentrate on anything at all. I am way behind in my clinical paperwork, but I just can’t seem to focus for a long enough period to make any headway. I am just a couple weeks away from graduation which is very exciting, but also busy.

¤I have had a lot of last minute paperwork to do to make sure the college processes my graduation, the state recognizes my qualifications to be licensed, the testing center accepts my request to take the state boards etc.

¤My cousin is coming from Arizona to stay with us (YaY!) and I am planning family gatherings for 30.

¤I have to go shopping and get an outfit to graduate in. 

¤After graduation I have to study like crazy to pass the NCLEX exam in order to be licensed. What if I don’t pass the first time and I have to pay another $200 and wait 45 more days?

 ¤I have to find a job so I have been working on my resume and looking for residencies which are few and far between these days. The competition is going to be immense.

¤I am concerned about getting a job, what if I don’t get one soon? The financial implications could be severe.

¤I am nervous about the interview process, which is not my strong point. I hate playing games, and interviewing just seems like a big game to me. Why ask covert questions and make me come back 3 times. Here is my resume, you know my experience and my background. Ask me my philosophy on nursing and patient care. Ask me what my goals are for the future. Call my references. Either I fit with your organization or I don’t.

¤I am concerned about getting the right job, since I will have to sign a 2 year contract I better be sure, but then again beggars can’t be choosers right?  

¤I am concerned about getting a job. How will it effect my family? I will almost certainly be working nights which is fine except Scott works nights too. O.k. kids, get yourselves to bed, sleep well, stay safe. Get yourselves up for school in the morning, feed yourselves and someone will be here to take you to school. That is not exactly the kind of mom I want to be, or have ever had to be. Now..that may be my only choice. The problem is no matter how much I want to do nursing, no matter how much we need the extra finances, my heart is always first and foremost a mom.

I feel like I have been juggling for a long time now and just when I am near the finish line I am tired and the balls are falling…the question is will I catch them this time?


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